By Diane Warshofsky
There are hundreds of self-help books & on-line resources that claim to have the answers that will fix either your relationship heartache or your partner. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if one could just get relationship advice by watching a romantic movie or reading a love story? As a marriage & family therapist at Evoke Mind & Body, it has been my honor to provide couples therapy for those needing support to navigate the good, bad, & ugly times in their relationship.
The reality is that every committed relationship will experience a life event that hinders communication & connection. The more obvious challenges are becoming new parents, rearing adolescents, job loss, or caring for elderly parents. These experiences have aspects of both change (external, more predictable, physical tangible) & transition (internal, less predictable, intangible).
Some experiences in life reflect more of the transitional aspects, like grief. Grief is experienced throughout a lifetime in many forms of loss. And when there are two people feeling overwhelmed in their individual grief, there will be even more confusion within the pain.
The Heartache of Grief
Grief is a topic many want to avoid. My belief is that information can counteract the fear of the unknown. I have had the honor of being a part of hospice as a nurse & as a therapist. This, paired with a lot of different personal experiences, has equipped me to provide empathy while being a supportive presence for the wave of emotions of others.
As a couples therapist, I have come to understand how grief can feel so isolating that couples feel alone, as if their partner “left” them. Part of the reason for this experience is that grief is an individual process. The other main contributor is that many believe that if you talk about grief, you will cause more pain. The opposite is quite true. Suffering happens when one is carrying their pain alone in silence.
Hope Through Connection
When both people in a relationship are facing heartache, couples therapy offers a space for support & information on the impact of grief within the context of hope. Therapy allows one to process their own grief as well as witness & learn about their partner’s pain. Each person is given the time to tell their story & to describe their feelings, without judgment!
One of the most powerful gifts a person can give to another is being present during their pain. The common ground of the pain can birth compassion that allows individuals to accept & even appreciate their differences. This deep bonding of intimacy is maintained beyond the therapy sessions through a continuous sharing of stories while developing a mutual understanding of each other. Couples discover a new level of resilience as they make sense & create meaning for their life.
At Evoke Mind & Body, we are here to support your personal journey of healing with the hope. Healing is not done in a vacuum but in the presence of others who are intentional, compassionate & knowledgeable about mental, emotional & spiritual wellness. Our staff provides opportunities to support your wellbeing through therapy, yoga, & integrative health coaching in Wilmington as well as Leland.
